I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
