dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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