True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
