a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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