May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Randomize
