Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
