I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
