you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
