Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
