i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
