At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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