he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
