Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
