Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
