i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
