That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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