I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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