A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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