Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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