I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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