On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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