I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
