and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
