ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
