No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Pants are for mortals
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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