I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
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