I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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