Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I hope mine doesn't look like that
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
