Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
