you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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