we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
