Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
