My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i think i scared a bird with my dick
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
