This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
