We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Bring me that man meat
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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