kristin has been a bad kristin
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
