He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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