it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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