If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You did what with his pubic hair?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
