We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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