I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Randomize
