you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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