the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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