Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
