I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
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