so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
