some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
