If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
