Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
