So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
