Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
